Turning Heaviness Into Grace

We’re all on our own paths. Sometimes I look around and I see others living the “normal” life. They wake up in the morning, they go to a job solely because it pays the bills, they go out for a drink with friends, they go to sleep and do it all over again. I look at them and they seem satisfied with that. 

Then I sink back into self. 

After years and years of trying to live a “normal” life and only ending up drained, burnt out, and resorting to eating disorder behaviors, self harm or deep depression, I’m finally having to accept that the “norm” just doesn’t work for me. 

I’ve always envied others who can work that basic 9-5, who can wake up in the morning and go through their day without having to preemptively prepare for moments of anxiety or bouts of deep depression and hopelessness. 

In many ways I am grieving. I am grieving the “shoulds”. I am grieving the life that I will never get to live. I have clinical depression. And sometimes it is debilitating to think about the fact that I will walk through my life knowing that some days I don’t wont to live, that I will have to organize my life differently, that I have to be aware of and put extra attention towards my mental health. 

That has always felt really frustrating and has bred a lot of hopelessness.

Today I thought of this all in a different light. More accurately, I felt in a different light. Today I realized that maybe I cannot live a less than meaningful, purposeful, soulful life because I am in a different place in my spiritual journey and spiritual awareness. Instead of feeling like I am incapable, fragile, and weak I am realizing that I am pursuing growth. I am learning how to feed my soul and live my life in such a full way that those 9-5 jobs simply don’t align with my dharma. 

Maybe, just maybe, there isn’t anything wrong. Maybe, just maybe, this round of life is a new phase in my soul’s search for fulfillment. I am aware now. I have awakened to the presence of my soul. I have begun to understand that I am not a human being having a spiritual experience, I am a spiritual being having a human experience. 

When you tap in and listen to the wisdom of your soul you find the path you are meant to be on. When we are unsatisfied in life, when we feel beat down by stress, physical ailments, mental health, it is the universe forcing you to see that the way you are living in this physical world is not serving you. It is a push towards movement, towards awareness. Listen to self, and you end up finding purpose, and peace. 

Those challenges that are happening in your life have a deeper meaning than what they appear to be in this physical world we live in. This life and these experiences are all mirroring what your soul needs to see, and furthermore needs to learn. That car of yours that broke down, didn’t simply break down when and where it did out of coincidence. I can’t tell you exactly why because each of our lessons are unique to us. But maybe you were being told you need to slow down, you’re moving in the wrong direction, you needed to be stuck in that place to meet that person that will become a big part of your life, being late that day was preventing you from being in an accident. Who knows…

Sometimes things aren’t what they seem. When I see the deeper, and more profound reason for it all, it loses its heaviness and becomes grace. Embrace what the universe is sending you, otherwise it will only continue to get louder in your life. Sometimes you have to do the harder thing. Today I challenge you to do the harder thing and allow even the hard messages to be received with an open heart, open mind, open soul. You might just be surprised. 

With all my love and faith,


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