The golden rule “do not lie.” Sometimes lying can become as tempting as a snake in the Garden of Eden. I hold no judgement over that. We all lie, whether we want to admit it or not.
Those of you who are sitting there telling yourself you don’t… well I have a feeling you might be lying to yourself in this moment. There is so much judgement over a lie. If we all do it, it must be serving us in some way.
Let go of your judgements on yourself and on others as you continue reading– Only if your ready to bare some hard truths.
I will out myself right here: I have lied many times. I have let go of the judgement over that. We lie because truthfulness is scary, and the response you get is unknown. Lying means that you can be or do or say whatever you need to in order to feel safe and secure.
Personally, I have lied to avoid confrontation or hurt feelings. Whether white lies or big lies, they all help us to either get what we want or avoid what we don’t. When we lie we are seeking a sense of safety and trust. It allows us to predict the response and prepare for it. We manipulate situations to evoke the response that we feel capable of handling. It’s safe.
Being honest, truthful and authentic is scary. It took me a long time to understand the power of truthfulness. Lying keeps us stunted, truthfulness propels us to where we need to go. During the time that I was drowning in my eating disorder, I became a liar. I didn’t know how to be truthful anymore. I lost myself. I lied about who I was, what I felt, and what I deserved. I lied to myself more than anyone else.
I felt like my only choice was to squeeze my round peg into that square hole in order to be loved. My identity became blurry because truthfulness was scary.
To acknowledge your truth and put it out into the world is courageous, and powerful. To own your truth and admit you are struggling, to own your truth and say you want change, to own your truth and end relationships, to own your truth and acknowledge that you have been hurt is all scary- but it is good.
Carl Jung says “There must be something so dangerous in the moment about the truth that we choose to lie.”
When we own our truth, and we speak it from the heart, not the hurt, lessons unfold. Being authentic to who you are may push people away, may cause hurt feelings, may bring rise to conflict. AND that is all part of the process of growth and outgrowing.
The friend that can’t respect your feelings when your show up as your true self is a friend you do not need. Learn you’re worth, learn the types of people who help you be your highest self.
The relationship that you need to end teaches you more about what works for you in relationship and what doesn’t.
The job that drains you forces your attention to discovering your passions.
That feeling in the pit of your stomach that you stuff away… it needs to be felt.
What is so scary about the truth that it feels easier to hide it away in the dark corners of your mind?
There is a function to all of it. The question is, how long do you want to avoid embodying your truth due to fear?
I can tell you this– the people who cannot stand with you in your truth, are not the people who are going to grow with you. Truth without judgement can be connecting and transformative.
Truth resides in the depths of vulnerability. I challenge you to be courageous enough to accept the lessons that living in your truth may unveil.
Love always,
Danielle Pomilla
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